What NOT to give your loved one this Valentine’s day… | Landmark Lofts





 

What NOT to give your loved one this Valentine’s day…

Struggling to think of the perfect gift for Valentine’s day? You’re not alone. Perhaps it’ll help if you cross a few things off, first? We think you should probably avoid giving your significant other...

1. A self-help book

You’re a mess. Sort yourself out.

2. Marmite

Love it or hate it, a tub of yeast extract is hardly chocolate and champagne.

3. A magic eye 3D poster

Give your loved one the gift of going cross-eyed. Or not.

4. Blue Stilton cheese

No amount of teeth-brushing will turn it around.

5. Deodorant

Nothing pulls the heart strings like telling someone they stink.

6. A stick

On the plus side, it is eco-friendly. And if you’re dating your dog, they might like it.

7. The Christmas gift they gave you

Both cheap and rude, what’s not to love?

8. A stapler

A relationship is never stationary. Get it...?

9. A dead squirrel

You should probably be reported to the police.

10. An autobiography by Oscar Pistorius

Roses are red, violets are glorious, never sneak up on...

11. An empty ring box

They’ll either be bitterly disappointed or overjoyed. Neither bodes well for the future.

12. A breakup text

Especially if your texts are included as part of your contract. You didn’t even PAY for it.

13. Diet pills

The perfect feel-good gift.

14. An ironing board

It’s a 1920’s theme, alright?

15. Victory at Sea (the WW2 historical documentary)

Nothing creates a romantic atmosphere better than black and white footage of the British navy tangling with U-boats.

16. A Fitbit

You’re like an investment to them. What, that isn’t romantic?

17. A subscription to Match.com

Like a break-up text, but more subtle in its cruelty.

18. Breath mints

“I’d kiss you, if you didn’t smell so rancid.”

19. A one way ticket to Scunthorpe

For one, it’s more of a prison sentence than a holiday. Secondly, you never want them to come back.

20. A framed picture of Ed Milliband

Perhaps the one with the bacon sandwich incident?

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